Too MUCH!

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I had a very weird dream again, one that I can remember vividly!

In the dream, I was in a post-Apocolypic America and society there had not only changed but was pretty much cut off from the rest of the world.

news of the rest of the world was pretty much yearned for and water was a sporadic pleasure. Anyway, I was living in a kinda.... multi-story/shanti-town and through all the mundane drama that was happening to the people there, I suddenly realised how much I missed my mother.

Then it occured to me 'Why not call her?' but I wasnt sure if the phone line could connect to the UK anymore, so I picked up the nearest phone (it was literally just the receiver) and dialed for the operator. This is exactly how the discussion went:

"Hi there, I was wondering if you can still connect calls to overseas?" (Me)

"Of course sir, I just need the area code and the number you want to connect to" (Operator)

"Sure, 044 (my childhood phone number)"

"Connection has been made sir, shall I patch you through?"

"Please do."

Click~~~Click~~~Click

"Hello?" (My mothers voice, but older and more... drawn)

"Hello mum its me!"

"I dont want to buy any!"

"No mum, its me, your so--"

"I dont want to buy any!" And she hung up.

Things sorta flashed forward from there. I was out at night in the multi-story/shanti town talking to a girl was amazingly black hair and I was attracted to her (Weird because im gay) and then all of a sudden, people wearing those same clothes as the guy pictured above burst through the doors and started screaming at us (with british accents) to get down.

Myself and this girl hid around the corner and observed from a distance until one of the men stepped forward and said:

"You think your American Tech could destroy the world and that we would ever forgive you for it!!"

And I realised 'Oh my god, I led them right to us.' - if it wasnt for my phone call home, the British wouldnt have invaded the America they had assumed was a desolate place.

And that is when I woke up!

So clearly im watching too much Scifi... right? I just think my mind is remarkable for creating such a situation. And also, I can remember word for word everything that was said in that dream.

It was just so real! So vivid! I lived that world for 8 hours and for 8 hours that world was as real to me as the real one.

Awesomely-spooky eh?

GOD DAMN IT TO HELL!!!!!!!!

 

I SHOULD NOT have watched this.

Now it is stuck on a loop in my head and is driving me fucking insane.

FUCK YOU FRENCH PEOPLE!!!

The Looks Factor - FIGHT THE POWER!

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Im annoyed. Today, I found myself within the shopping district of the city carrying a handful of magazines I had just brought from my local WHSmiths under one arm, a Costa Coffee cup in the same hand and various other bags full of food on the other arm.

It was a desparate situation - my bag from WHSmiths' had just broken (I paid 5p for that!!!) and I was having trouble juggling not only my shopping, but my ever-slipping jeans as they started to inch down my waist - to say it was a scramble with each step would not be an under-statement.

I needed a new bag. And to ditch my (now cold) hot-chocolate... but where!? And that is when I decided to walk into the local Stationary shop and try a charm offensive to see if I could score one measely plastic bag!

BIG MISTAKE - it ruined my entire day.

You see, behind the counter of said stationary shop was a young girl (I wont use the word woman, she was NOT mature enough) who looked at me and instantly - I swear, instantly - I knew she hated me.

I dont know if other people get this too, it happens to me when I make eye-contact and I can instantly tell if that person is going to be approachable or not. Does this happen to others? Let me know!

Anyway, I decided to use my gay-charm tactic to woo a flimsy-looking plastic bag out of her. I mean the girl was covered in make-up and was wearing some incredibly tight-looking jeans so... clearly, should would adore gay guys.

Wrong.

Me: Sorry to bug you my dear but i was wondering if I could get a plastic bag. Ive been shopping and, well, look at me! My hands are full and my last bag broke.

Her: No.

Me: ... eh? May I ask why?

Her: You need to buy something first.  (Keep in mind she is now REFUSING to keep eye-contact with me)

Me: ... but is a plastic--

Her: (interrupting) store policy. Buy something of leave.

Me: (picking up first object on the counter) Fine. How much for this?!

Her: (looking away) ... 99p

Me: How can you tell, you need to look at it first. I just dont want to be ripped off or anything, y'know?

Her: (taking a frustrated sigh) Yes! 99p.

Me: (VERY SARCASTICLY) greaaaaat... give me a plastic bag with that please.

She did. I waited there for her to pick the object up and put it in the plastic bag - all the while staring at her. I am not amused and I am trying (as silly as this may sound) to telepathicly make her understand how unamused I am and how much of a bitch I think she is.

I stand there waiting, huffing and puffing for my change and then to make a point of how annoyed I am, I stand there and wait for her to hand me the bag: she will have to make eye-contact when she does that!

And she did, so I said to her before I turned to leave, our eyes fixed:

"You only work in a shop you know. You can drop the higher-than-thou attitude."

I then turned and walked out to a score of applause. So I guess in a way, it was a victory for the every day man against the common nazi-esque assumptionist women we meet on the street.

Truth be told, im still kinda pissed!

I would never do that. I would never conciously make an assumption on somebody based on a first glance - and even if (IF) I conciously did, I would never-ever let it effect the way I was approached or interacting with this person.

My gut tells me this was less of a social-standing issue and more of a "I-Dont-Find-You-Attractive-therefore-You-Are-less-Than-me!" issue: which is less insulting but more personally annoying.

I dont claim to be the sexiest guy ever. Im also not torn by my looks nor do I depend on them to get me through the day. I dont work a fashionista style and then im not a prude when it comes to every-day fashion. I like friendship bangles, rustic looking shirts and jeans... 90's cowboy-chic almost - but without the boots and the hat. That is me. Clothes that have a meaning to me, that I feel comfortable in - sense-memory if you will.

It is annoying to think people can live like that. It is more annoying to think that they think living like that is acceptable.

Ok, so im really annoyed about nothing! But im annoyed about it. It is an exchange that shouldnt have happened. Everybody should be approachable by everybody else - and just because people are not, it should not be acceptable! It should not be encouraged! And it should be challenged whenever it happens!

There, rant over!

Falling back to Dream.

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Ive had a dream. A dream that I have had before but many many years ago - and I remember that! But the details of this dream are sketchy.

I was woken abruptly as it concluded and I couldnt fall back into it so I couldnt finish it - and I cant seem to get it again. And its pissing me off.

The details are there but its like they're being surrounded by fog; like I can see their outlines, but that is all that seems to exsist of them.

I remember running, running from a hospital. A strange hospital where the nurses were friendly-beyond what they possibly should have been. Not sexy, but socially, they instantly became your best friends.

there was a car that I was driven in. It was driven by... somebody???

The nurses said that you cant hide from the monsters that lurk in the mental hospital. if you run and run fast through the rain, they will not catch up to you - but there is still a chance.

The monsters are four-legged animals... almost like furless dogs but with no eyes or ears - just teeth - and they run in packs, in big groups - like rats! I know there are hundereds of them!

Im telling you this because it is important to me. I had this exact dream when I was... wow... I think I was 7-14, I cant remember but I remember I was young when I had it. Putting my finger on how young though is a difficult task as I was MORE world-wise at the age of 7 than I was 14 (tee-hee)

But still, a dream from over 10 years ago that I fell back into. How amazing is that?

The Down to Earth Gene - Sexuality Gone Wild!

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David Haye utterly fascinates me. I have to confess that I am sexually attracted to this gentlemen, but not for the aesthetic reasons you think.
Of course, the guy is good-looking (who would doubt that) and being a boxer, you would expet him to be of strong mind as well as body - but the clincher for me is not his looks or his sport or his toughness -- or even his jocks. The clincher for me is his amazingly down to earth attitude about everything.

I personally believe that there is nothing more unattractive than that of a boy acting like a man with his head in the clouds. You know the type; the broody-kid in skinny jeans, just turned 21 and suddenly he is as world-wise as the most travelled out there. He has views on everything. He "Understands" everything. And he usually wants to work in music (but is always caught on the cusp of his own faltering creativity) and he is "Drawn to Paris/London" - and he likes to drink Skinny-Latté's to reduce his cholesterol intake.

Granted, there would have been a time where I would have been attracted to such a person. Of course, our "relationship" would have had to have been a tragic one. But there in lies the rub.

You can go around crying and bleating "my life is so hard and im so misunderstood" with your head in the cliuds and you will never notice the other people, the same as you, suffering the same fate as you - just relenting in the complaints.

David Haye is not this kind of man. David Haye is a world wise man with an incredable sense of self - and not selfISHNESS - and that is something I am drawn to. This is the man that can make mistakes and can live with them, because what choice does he have? I doubt he is going to suddenly put on a pair of skin-tight jeans and start writing emo-techono-pop lyrics. I would be very unimpressed if he did.

This is a man that can see the world for what it is and not be afraid to live in it. A man who can see the faults that he has and is not afraid if others do. A man that is not conceited with a sense of senf, but is his own person: down to earth and genuine.

I am very attracted to that. There should be more people in the world like that.

The Enigma that is "Bad" Luck

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Quite a paradox here:

Luck, by it's very definition, can never be a bad thing.

We can be Un-Lucky. But we could never possibly experience "Bad" Luck.

Ironic.

Endear

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I created this.

From a vison I had of an Angel as I slept.

I never dream of angels...

And yet it's wings were a powerful-blue.

The Law of Four.

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Four degrees of love:

The desire.

The chase.

The routine.

The loss.