Serene

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Feeling oddly serene.

Perhaps im reaching the mid point again?

I should see somebody.

Old Habits....

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Ive taken up an old hobby.

It hurts a lot less than it used to.

Make a "Ross" List

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Feeling conflicted?

Make a Ross list.

Confliction lasts for as long as you allow it to exist. Take the conflict to the list and lead yourself to the answer.

Dissatisfaction only occurs when you get somebody else to do what you want to do, for you.

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Teaching Them Early

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This kid pretty much sums everything up.

I dont think ive ever laughed so much in my entire life.

Family (doesnt) Matters

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Im thinking of dis-owning my older brother. Ive already kinda done it, like if people ask me "Oh how many siblings do you have" my usual reply is "Oh, just three sisters!" - but not out of spite before, more because I hardly ever talk to/see him that I just forget... but now I kinda want to make it a habit-forming crutch.

A nice little snide dig of my own.

Im aware its petty. I care to the sum of zero.

What has my brother done to gall me so? Nothing - he is just the perfect douche. He has the money. He has the car. He has the children and the "nice-guy" award from the community. Heck - somebody has got to hate him, might as well be his own brother! Am I right?

Fathers day today. My dad wanted a radio. He needed a new one so talked it up for the entire month. I SOMEHOW work out his coded "Buy me a radio for fathers day!" messages and all is well. That radio cost me £50.

My brother brings him a nice framed picture of him looking happily into the camera whilst carrying his two children - sunset behind them, possibly heading for his ass. And suddenly, my gift isnt as shiny or as wanted as it had been.

This isnt just a thing about gifts though.

"Im going to run the london marathon!" He tells my dad.

"Did you hear that?! My son is going to run the london marathon! Wow!"

"Yes! And im getting a new car!" He continues - and so follows a two hour long conversatioon about engine-mechanics and mileage to the gallon - and im sitting there looking at them, nodding my head and im thinking "Yeah, I have no idea".

I guess I should have just left the room so they could get on with their incest-fest.

I even got the "Why cant you be more like your brother-speech after he left.

Yes, im a pathetic jerk - I dont give a shit. You know what? Some days its all I can do but cry. Not that I have cried lately.

yeah, I think im going to revert to my 16 year old self and be all "What?! I have a brother!? Since when!" denile.

Yes. Denile. I like it.

Taking things for granted.

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Kinda wish I had friends right about now.

Zombies are NOT Monsters?

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Had my first zombie dream last night. I think its worth documenting.

The details are kinda vauge bcause to begin with but I remember it changing from something very serene into this horrible panic and need to run and hide.

There were 5 of us and we were in my house. The layout of my house is odd (weird stairs, you open your bedroom door and BOOM, steps!) and I told them to quickly follow me and hide with me in my room. They refused and rushed into an empty room.

This was odd to me, because my room had a bed and other materials in it, but the other room them ran into was barren but for a few empty boxes. I had to close the door though because, obviously, the zombies were comming so I did and I threw myself behind it.

I can remember them pushing with horrible force and there was this blind panic that I had to barricade the door closed. I began to think then that if I pulled my heavy stuff towards the door and just put it infront of it - all my heavy stuff - it might be enough.

This is where things get weird and very "dream magical-like" so even though it wont make sense, its because its a dream:

I piled everything I could infront of the door and waited for them to stop trying to push through - when it had been quiet for a while, I put my head to the floor and looked out of the bottom of the door to see if I could see feet - there were none - so I opened the door and shouted to the others if they were alright.

They told me that noise atracts zombies and to shut up so I tried to be quiet as I moved around to see what was happening and where they'd gone. Sure enough, the zombies heard me and came back so I had to run back to my room and close the door and again they tried to push it open, again I had the barricade idea (dream magic!) and after I while I looked again to see if anyone was outside.

A while passed in the dream (really it was an instant but it seemed like a while) when I heard a knock at the door. A nice gentle-rapping sound. I was so confused and I opened the door (dream magic! yay) and to my horror, a Zombie stood there - but it wasnt that fact he was there that scared me, it was the fact he looked a little more human - I remember thinking "Good God! They evole to look like humans!"

He put a hand on my shoulder and told me, in a very calm way, even though his face was angry, "You have to leave now. We dont want monsters here"

!!!

It was my very own "I Am Legend" - I become THEIR monster.