The Ride of Life

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I realized something today; through sadness and sheer frustration. It is an entirely new sensation for me to experience and, having just realized it, im emotionally dumb-founded by it.

I cannot STOP my life.

This may sound strange to you because, logically, life doesnt stop. It ends, but it doesnt stop. You cannot stop it as a rule unless you end it, and if you end it, you no longer have it - hence, you cannot stop it.

Im not talking about ending life though - I realized today that, in spite of everything, in spite of the good, the bad, the great, the horrible - the entire shoulda'woulda'coulda - just like you cannot go back, you cannot stop going forward.

If I didnt realize this and hold onto it then... well, I would be in a crying heap.

Things are up and down, his foot is a mess and it isnt looking good for him. We'll know more on monday but this waiting is a horrible price to pay for not knowing the positives.

I know, it's just a foot right? But it isnt like this - this is a life that is going to change. This has a ripple effect - everything is going to change around it - and the parts of me that have wanted this, begged for the freedom that change might bring; they're terrified.

And im powerless to stop it.

I think, now, if I had the choice of a super power, it would no longer be to change who I am (shapeshifter) - it would be to selectively stop my life and take a break from it.