What Brother?

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As I type this, my brother (the favourite) is currently visiting my parents. Im about to be demoted to the black sheep again (for the next two weeks) until his next visit (Next two months).

"Oh, how much weight have you lost?"

"Oh, dont you look perfect!"

"Oh, how amazing are you at your job!"

"Oh, how brilliant you are!"

Etc. Etc. Etc.

When he "forgets" to keep his promise and phone and call around and keep in touch, they will be cursing his name again. I will once again be the shining beacon of standard.

Until then though, two weeks of unfetted misery by comparison.

This is the best case for trash-DNA dumping I have even witnessed: myself being the trashcan.

The Curse of Being (anti-)Social

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Being a people reader (I dont just say that for the fun of it, ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you, I can spookily read a lot out of a first impression) is sometimes more a curse than a blessing.

Sure, it has saved me from some of the most barmy and weirdest relationships (one guy was into his mother - in a sex way) that have approached me, but it is at times when family...

Yeah, you know where this is going! This is why I think Facebook is remarkably evil -  (Thats tomorrows blog-post!) there are just some things family members should not share. Some things they should not know about each other. Some aspect of their lives should just be kept to themselves... being a people reader, however, I tend to look a little deeper into everything.

My sister (the one from previous posts) said something... amazingly awful about me, in front of everybody - but in a funny way, so therefore, it isnt an insult and I shouldnt over-react because she ment it - but in a funny way.

I know right?

Im in a bad place right now. I dont really want to blog about my emo-side too much because it just fuels my saddness rather than quells it. But im in a bad place emotionally and its making me both angry and timid.

If I were my old self, she wouldnt have standed a chance after saying that - I would have been down her throat (verbally) so fast that she would gag with horror on the torrent of truth I would have unleashed.

Truth is, where I am now, I just went into another room and tried to stop myself from crying. I didnt want to give her the satisfaction.

I cant stop reading between the lines about it. Just the way she said it; the way she looked at me when she said it - so pointedly and with a smirk-- this is when being a people reader is a curse. You cant stop reading them. long after they're gone. Long after the damage has been done.

Life, The Internet & Family

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In my 26 years of living, I always assumed that internet greifers' would never get the better of me. Considering the hell I went through during puberty and the bullying that tormented me in school - I just always figured there was nothing anybody could say or do to me on the internet that would affect me in a negative way.

What I didnt count on, however, is that one of these very greifers' that seem to adorn every corner of the internet would be a member of my very own family.

After three whole years of avoiding the facebook fad, I gave in - and all because the rest of my family were raving about who said what. I felt left out and made my own page which I didn’t really pay much attention to.
It was fun at first, I got in a poking competition with my sister (If you've never been on facebook, that will sound so wrong) and triumphed my way to the top of the bejewelled leader boards. And then things started to creep in:
Comments on this and that the rest of the family thought. Some of them eyebrow-raising to say the least but nothing major or overly offensive. Until recently.

Having commented on a post of my elder sister on her wall, she abruptly replied "Well you should try and get a proper job and stop sponging off other people" - this being a reference to the fact I am finding it hard to find a job at the minute and currently taking care of my elderly parents.

She seems to be under the assumption that I live out of their pocket's - which is not the case at all - but she refuses to listen to reason.
I put the comment behind me; one-blip out of a life-time of sibling rivalry I suppose. But no - now all I get if I say ANYTHING on my facebook is a nasty comment from her saying exactly (spelling included:

"y dnt u try and get a proper job instead of F&#KIN spongin off other people??"

And it is nasty - do I like my inability to make money? Of course not. Do I want to be 26 years old and look after my parents? Do I fuck! But I have found myself to be quite stuck in this position I am in.

So the other day, when she happened to stop by with her children, I had her out about it. I asked her "Why do you say this? You know what I do and why I do it so why?"

She replied "Oh get a grip, it’s only the internet."

...

You all probably just laughed at that - because, in a sense, it is partly true, but as I opened this post talking about the fact I assumed a greifer would NEVER be able to say anything that affects me in a negative way; I never once imagined that my (MOST EDUCATED AND MATURE) sister would be the greifer.

I’m hurt. Incredibly and horribly so. And not just because she thinks that stuff of me, but because she thinks that just because she said it on the internet, I shouldn’t get so upset about it.

I tell you, all my readers, facebook has a lot to answer for when it comes to the family dynamic. And I ask; could you live your life comfortably knowing what is going on in the rest of your families’ heads?

I deleted my facebook account. That is my answer.