Letting IT Go

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No, not the scary clown IT, but the big pink elephant in the metaphorical room in-my-head IT: My anger. My Rage. My anxiety. My compulsive need to feel justice... in ANY form.

I feel like I get wronged and I cannot let go until I have been "righted", until I feel I have been vindicated in some way or another. I need to let this go, I read in a health journel that it can have a detremental effect on your bowels.

I need to write more. I wrote a few interesting poems the other day; interestingly enough, I felt as if I had almost channelled them from somebody else - they just dont seem like something I would write.
I wonder if that is possible? ... A Midsummer night's dream was apparantly based on a OBE/Dream but they had Opium availible over the counter in those days.

At least I wrote something eh? I feel the urge to add /Writted/ on the end there. heh.

Anger Vibes

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I failed my driving test.

Yup, I went and failed it good - with 1 major and 2 minor marks to my name (for my american chums, you're allowed 2 minor marks, but not a single major mark, so 1 major mark = instant fail) and, I must have an anger that leaks into the ether because as the guy turned to tell me, his body-language changed; he became defensive in his seat, crossed his arms, turned his back towards the door, made eye-contact for about a second and then, very very quickly, scuttled out of the car.

I was majorly pissed off (at the time) and even though I didnt say a thing, my "You cannot be fucking serious" expression was working overtime. I felt inside as if I wanted to tear his face off - the vibe that must have made him want to get out of dodge hasty.

I drove home with my instructor who said "Congratulations, you're now exactly like 88% of the general population" before going into a big speech about how there is no shame in failing and how perseverance is the key to success.

All I could think about was the throbbing migrane I was expriencing - as if my brain was giving me a stern telling-off for being such a screw up.

I slept a little, woke up feeling refreshed, shrugged it off and decided to book another test. I pinned the "failure" slip to my notice board - lets let the anger vibe drive me towards my goal!

Im still kinda dissapointed though; all my plans have to go on hold until this is sorted out, and to make matters worse, it's going to cost me £100($140) a try.

Positives to think about:

• At least the next time I will know what to expect!
• I can sleep in tomorrow (yay)
• I can finally have a restful nights sleep without the worry of what tomorrow may bring.

It seems I failed this "Rite O' passage" :P