*Grumble*

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Tomorrow I have to take that fucking Rite O' Passage again! Which means an early relaxing night, early to bed, early to rise, balanced breakfast (so I dont vomit on the way there) A good shower, sitting in the car waiting for the instructor, riding with the instrutor there, sitting with the instructor why I wait for another one.

I hate my instructor, I really do - he comes across as a bit of a letch when it comes to women. All he talks about (other than driving) is how cute Holly was or how amazing it was to teach Amanda, or how Amy was funny or how Jessica had an annoying laugh.

I wish I had breasts.

Send out some positive vibes for me please. Im going to need them.

Anger Vibes

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I failed my driving test.

Yup, I went and failed it good - with 1 major and 2 minor marks to my name (for my american chums, you're allowed 2 minor marks, but not a single major mark, so 1 major mark = instant fail) and, I must have an anger that leaks into the ether because as the guy turned to tell me, his body-language changed; he became defensive in his seat, crossed his arms, turned his back towards the door, made eye-contact for about a second and then, very very quickly, scuttled out of the car.

I was majorly pissed off (at the time) and even though I didnt say a thing, my "You cannot be fucking serious" expression was working overtime. I felt inside as if I wanted to tear his face off - the vibe that must have made him want to get out of dodge hasty.

I drove home with my instructor who said "Congratulations, you're now exactly like 88% of the general population" before going into a big speech about how there is no shame in failing and how perseverance is the key to success.

All I could think about was the throbbing migrane I was expriencing - as if my brain was giving me a stern telling-off for being such a screw up.

I slept a little, woke up feeling refreshed, shrugged it off and decided to book another test. I pinned the "failure" slip to my notice board - lets let the anger vibe drive me towards my goal!

Im still kinda dissapointed though; all my plans have to go on hold until this is sorted out, and to make matters worse, it's going to cost me £100($140) a try.

Positives to think about:

• At least the next time I will know what to expect!
• I can sleep in tomorrow (yay)
• I can finally have a restful nights sleep without the worry of what tomorrow may bring.

It seems I failed this "Rite O' passage" :P

"Rite of Passage"

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So tomorrow is "The Big Day!" or so im told. Tomorrow I take my driving test for the first time ever. After three months of forking out £20 per lesson (one lesson a week), I finally get the chance to show off everything I have learnt in order to gain a document that says I am legally allowed to drive on the motorway.

I didnt really give it much thought at the time, it didnt bother me that the D-day was fast approaching until my instructor said, during an idle conversation about driving, that it is a "rite of passage". As you can imagine - me being the master self-sabatour - my eyes widened with the horrible realization that he was indeed right, this is a huge under-taking that will impact the way I live my life.

So as you can imagine, ive felt this looming-sense of dread all day which is starting to reach its peak as bed-time approaches. To give you a vague idea of how much I am dreading tomorrow:

I am playing the Sims 3 - the only game that can suck away your time like a vaccum-cleaner - to take my mind of... well, time.

But it also got me thinking about the hilarity of the expression "Rite of Passage" and how broad a scope it actually covers. For example, if my first "Rite of Passage" into life was to drink a beer, then I covered that at 12 when I snuck a 6-pack of my dads into my woodland den and got sloshed. If it was smoking, then did that when I was 15, same with my virginity and gay-virginity (yes, a woman did "turn" me :P) so, after driving, what would be next? Having a stable relationship/job/home? Eating my first ever grilled-cheese? What would be the last rite of passage before death? Growing old? Gracefully? Disgracfully?

And what if I fail my "Rite O' Passage? Can you actually fail a Bonifide Rite O' passage?

How did people measure this claptrap?

I digress though. I am not worried about tomorrow, more as I am dreading making myself screw up some how. My driving instructor said I should try to achieve a perfect state of zen before I go, to be dolice, to listen to the comands given and, whilst not thinking about them, do them.

He was quick to add "To the best of your abilities..." to the end of that. Is that a bad sign?

Actually, in an attempt to counter-act negative energy, I made sure my test booking time was at 11:11 - 11 being a powerful cosmic number! 

So start sending those positive vibes out to the universe for me, tomorrow will be an interesting day to say the least!