Self-Expression (A letter to Myself)

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I have to say it. I have to get this out because I have to read it back and accept it:

I have been working on a writing project and over the past three days I have been overcome with extraordinary self-doubt when it comes to my ability (or lack there-of) to complete this task.

Needless to say, I have buried myself in endless distractions to prevent myself from doing it. I had to force myself to go over how far I had gotten tonight and... I ending up passing the book over and doing something else instead. Just like always.

I am so fucking angry with myself for doing this. I cannot put down in words how much so I am. I am trying to rationalise my failure to continue this work but I (the real Me) refuses to believe my bullshit anymore.
I hear you all ask "Then why do it? If it is making you feel and act as negatively as this then why bother to persue it?" - it does seem fruitless. But if I stop at this project there where do I start again?

This extraordinary self-doubt I keep on stirring every-time I try is making me question if I should write - write ANYTHING - in the first place. And that idea frightens me. Utterly and completely.

If I didnt do this. If I didnt write... there would be nothing in this world that I can do. Nothing I can claim to have a skill at. Nothing I can give back to this world.

I can live my life quite contently with endless distraction after distraction until I am FORCED to change the way I live (And dont fucking kid yourself, that will happen one day, people dont live forever Michael!) OR I can take a stand now, cast off the less addictive distractions and try to accomplish something.

Please Michael, you need to try.

Please?